Each person in your organization, at some level, truly wants to do a great job and be recognized for their contribution. And motivating them can be as simple as a four-word phrase, according to Tom Peters, business management guru and author of the classic book, In Search of Excellence.

Take a look at what Mr. Peters has to say in this 2-minute video (spoiler alert – I’ll be giving it away below the video):

How simple is that? Just four words that reach into the hearts and minds of your employees: “What do you think?” As Mr. Peters says, these words show others how valuable and important they are to you.

However – a word of caution. If you use this phrase the wrong way, it can backfire. The “wrong” way includes: being insincere, indecisive or patronizing.

Okay, I am about to “out” myself as an occasional watcher of “The Apprentice.” On the season opener a few days ago, the project manager for the episode, Nicole, used this “What do you think?” technique to motivate her team. But it backfired because she used it ineffectively.

She didn’t truly care about their wisdom. She was more interested in trying to protect herself from owning full responsibility. She made several decisions based on her teammates’ opinions – even when she clearly didn’t agree. Her game strategy was to shift at least some responsibility to others in case her team lost.

Nicole’s “What do you think?” approach was never grounded in a clear vision. She gave away her power by letting her team’s varying (and loud!) opinions run amuck. Inviting collaboration is a great skill for a leader – but too much consensus-building can water down the end result. Instead of seeing her as inclusive and collaborative, her team saw her as weak and indecisive. Her team lost and she was fired.  It was not pretty.

Of course, The Apprentice is a contrived scenario. In a true business environment, Nicole would have had more support, more leverage, more control of the situation. But I thought the episode demonstrated a classic flaw in leadership:  Misusing consensus building.

The four words, “What do you think?” are powerful. They convey a high regard for others – but only if you also feel that same level of regard. Don’t be phony with these four words. When used well, and from your heart, this phrase is a great way to genuinely seek out your brilliant team members’ wisdom. It’s a tricky balance, but a key to creating an inspired team.

Sorry to break this to you, but your co-workers are talking about you after work with their family members and friends. It’s just one of those facts of life.

You know how that conversation goes:

“How was your day today, honey?” asks your co-worker’s spouse.

To which your co-worker replies, “Oh man, I work with this one person who is such a…”

Such a what? What is your co-worker saying about you? That you are such a talented genius? That you are such a person of integrity? Such an enjoyable person to work with?

Or perhaps the conversation is taking a different turn… Such an idiot? Such a terrible decision maker? Such a self-serving jerk?

You know this conversation well because, well – let’s face it – you are having the same dinner table conversation at home with your family, about your co-workers.

This social ritual is as old as the hills – it cannot be stopped. And if you are reading this and starting to wonder what your co-workers, boss, staff, clients and vendors might really be saying about you, take heart: You can actually change other peoples’ dinner conversations!

Table Talk You can be Proud Of

The way you treat your co-workers ripples way out to their dinner table conversations and ricochets right back into your reputation and ability to lead effectively.

Sure, the obvious people skills of generosity, kindness, and respect will help. But the one mega change you can make is simply this: Rid your communications of any and all blame and criticism.

I know, I know, you aren’t the whining, blaming sort. You always own up and take the high road. But is that 100% true? I challenge you to look in the mirror, to study your words and attitudes for the next week, to listen to yourself talk, to assess your responses to others… a little truth-telling self examination can go a long way.

If you pass the examination and find yourself to be a non-blamer… congratulations, you may be the first person on the planet to achieve such a state!

We all blame, we all criticize. We blame politicians, football coaches, slow-pokey drivers, parents, kids, pets, UPS, the weather… it’s actually become a national pastime. Just sit in any coffee shop and eavesdrop on the nearest cell phone conversation. “I told him that would happen. He never listens to me.” Or, “Yah, that’s our government at work for you…”  (All spoken in huffy, sarcastic tones.)

Guess what? If you are a blamer, you are absolutely eroding the trust people have in you. If you are quick to blame and criticize others, how do I know you aren’t speaking the same way about me when I’m not around? If I have to wonder what you might say about me… my trust in you is diminished. Our teamwork is compromised.

If you showed yourself to be someone who goes straight to the person you are having an issue with, to have a civil, direct conversation to iron things out… whoa, that is the mega trust builder of them all. That takes guts and enormous courage. I know where I stand with you and that you won’t be talking about me behind my back. I want you on my team!

When people fully trust you – they speak highly of you around the dinner table. And they are eager to work cooperatively with you to get the job done.

Kindergarteners consistently beat business students and other professional adults in the simple, but revealing, Marshmallow Challenge.

The Marshmallow Challenge is a team exercise that asks groups of four to build the tallest freestanding structure in 18 minutes using only 20 sticks of spaghetti, one yard of tape, one yard of string and one marshmallow – which must be at the top of the structure.

Tom Wujec, a Fellow with Autodesk, says, “I believe the Marshmallow Challenge is among the fastest and most powerful techniques for improving a team’s capacity to generate fresh ideas, build rapport and incorporate prototyping – all of which lie at the heart of effective innovation.”

The Marshmallow Challenge has been conducted by tens of thousands of people in every continent, from the CFOs of the Fortune 50 to students at all levels. The lessons learned are universal.

What can the high performers – among them are the kindergartners as well as architects and engineers – teach your company about how teams collaborate when innovation is required?

The least successful tend to spend a lot of time planning and then begin executing only to put the marshmallow on in the last few minutes, assuming it will be light enough. Often, these structures topple – the team has been blinded by their assumption about the marshmallow’s weight. Hmmmmm… don’t most creative projects seem to have hidden assumptions that trip us up in the eleventh hour?

The most successful teams learn how to build the structure by just doing it. They jump quickly into building prototypes to test out their ideas, which gives them immediate feedback. Using an iterative process, they can quickly discard what isn’t working and embrace what is – resulting in: success!

Lessons for your teams:

• Are you spending more time planning than playing with concepts to test them out?
• Does your team become more committed to “the plan” than to finding a process that works best?
• Are you allowing your team members to get their hands dirty with the process so that they can learn by doing?
• Are you rooting out hidden assumptions that may come out of “nowhere” and upend your project?
• Are you encouraging your team members to raise the bar on innovation by using all of their senses, in additional to thinking, feeling and doing?

If you want to spark a greater level of innovation on your teams, Tom Wujec’s TED Talk video is a worthwhile way to spend 6 or so minutes of your time. And be sure to visit http://www.marshmallowchallenge.comfor more details, including full instructions, many photos and a blog.

Here’s a startling thought:  “It’s tougher recovering from a downturn than being in a downturn.”

This statement was made by Ira Jackson, Dean of Claremont’s Drucker School of Management, who was participating at the World Business Forum last week (Oct 6-7 in New York). The Wall Street Journal put together the video below, highlighting top management thinking on keys to rebounding as the economy begins to turn around.

If you have spent this economic wobble doing the right things, your business should be okay, and even thriving. A few questions to reflect on:

• Have you taken advantage of this time to pursue radical innovation?
• Have you treated your staff well? Are you confident they will stick around when new employment choices begin to emerge? Really? Let’s hope you are not kidding yourself here.
• Have you been truly loving your customers, so that they continue loving you when they begin spending again?

And your teams — have you done the work to create a productive environment for your teams? The key is “really understanding the dynamics of the team and how that plays out in the context of the work you are doing and the strategy you are trying to implement,” says management consultant Patrick Lencioni. “And really pushing on whether people are behaving in a way that is allowing them to get the most work done in the least amount of time.”