Years ago, I vowed never to waste my energy on New Year’s resolutions again.

I’ve just never had much success with making resolutions — typically they felt like an external goal I was trying to reach, sometimes realistic and sometimes not. Usually it felt more like a “should” than something I was truly excited about.  So, each year… after months (if I was super committed), weeks, sometimes only days, my resolve to change faded.  Ugh, a broken promise to myself. This is about the worst form of self degredation!

Several years ago, I tried something new. I decided to set up a new way of defining the year ahead. There is, after all, a sort of “clean slate” feeling to a fresh new year.  Being one who believes in setting intentions and visioning, I wanted to set forth some kind of goal or mission for myself.

So I proclaimed that it would be the year of “Opposite.” I decided that every chance I got, I would examine my routines, habits and reactions to life in terms of “What would the opposite routine/habit/reaction be?” Wow, it was so powerful! I turned many habits upside down, formed new ways of seeing myself, and moved ahead on a few challenges I had previously thought too scary (a new business, a challenging certification process, for starters!).  I didn’t do every single thing in an opposite way — I didn’t dye my brown hair blonde or trade in my car for a motorcycle — but I gave myself the option to consider the opposite way, even if just to stretch my imagination further. It certainly helped me stretch my view of my own life.

A Theme Reminder

Since that time, I’ve set a theme for each new year. And I always create a little laminated card that visually represents my theme – I make several and place them strategically around in office, my house, and my laptop bag, so that I have a constant and compelling reminder. Usually it has a picture that I’m in love with. Often, it’s something in nature. A few years ago, my “Trust” theme featured a sea otter floating peacefully — and trustfully — just allowing the water to provide a safe, nurturing support. I wanted to learn to trust myself and my world like that otter trusts the water!

And guess what? That year of “Trust” opened up a lot of new opportunities for me. I tried many new ideas out, wrote more, relaxed more.

2012: Awake!

My theme for this year is all about staying awake to life, being conscious of everything I’m experiencing. In other words… not sleep walking through my days, later wondering… where did the time go? My intention for 2012 is to fully, really, no kidding: experience every morsel of it! I haven’t created my theme card yet, but I think it will be a fun design.

What is YOUR theme for 2012?

And how can you use it to support your year, to be the backdrop to your dreams, goals and vision? And what structure (like my laminated card) might you create to keep this theme front and center, a reminder when the chips are down?

Almost every Thursday I announce that it’s “Recalibration Thursday!” on my BrilliantVisions Facebook page.

Some folks have asked me, “What the heck is Recalibration Thursday, and what the heck do you actually do to recalibrate?” Well, here is everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask.

Recalibration Thursday = A Mindset, a Habit and an Action

First, a little background: I had gotten in a rut where it was “suddenly” Friday afternoon and I had not accomplished enough of my to-do list to feel good about the week. I landed on Friday feeling defeated about my week. Mondays started out great — a blank page, full of possibilities! But even though I’m a pretty realistic planner, I would sometimes underestimate the interruptions, snafus and worm holes that could eat up time. Not to mention new opportunities that pop up and rich conversations with folks that take longer than expected. And then there’s the surprise element of feeling low energy on a day I had planned big things – do I force yourself through it or do I honor your body’s wisdom and take a slower pace that day?

I had begun to hate Thursdays. I was feeling tired (from the “forcing through” bit) and overwhelmed. I was dreading a weekend of catch-up work. No one likes to feel like they failed to reach their goals week after week — this can really drain your enthusiasm. So I decided to turn it around. I started honestly evaluating what was happening on these grumpy Thursdays. I stepped back, and took note of what was missing in my week, what was overly present, and what needed to happen to honor both my business goals and my physical/spiritual self.

Hence, “Recalibration Thursday” was born. It’s on Thursday because enough of the week has gone by for me to know how things are really going. And there is still enough time to regroup, revisit my plans and end the week on a high note. Here are some specific ways I recalibrate (see if anything here works for your recalibration style):

• On Thursday, sometime before Noon, I stop and jot down all the accomplishments I’ve had for the week – coaching calls, writing assignments, marketing actions completed, networking, powerful conversations, new clients signed on, lessons learned, etc. I include personal accomplishments too.
• I put a star next to the activities that I consider “high payoff,” meaning – they had a direct positive impact on building my revenues, increasing my reputation/visibility, or deepening a relationship. I notice if my week had zero or few high-payoff activities and I immediately plan to complete at least one by the end of the day Friday. (Your “high-payoffs activities” may be different, so design accordingly.)
• I also say a little statement of gratitude for what I have accomplished – and more importantly, the impact that I’ve had on my clients, colleagues, family, friends… and most definitely, on myself. I celebrate!
• And, I look at my actual schedule for the rest of Thursday and Friday and determine what is realistically possible to accomplish, given existing appointments, promises made and my energy level.  For example, as I write this, I know that I have two hour-long phone calls this afternoon, and a 4-hour meeting on Friday. I cannot accomplish the 50 to-do items on my list! (As the “Scrubs” theme song, written by Lazlo Bane, goes, “I’m No Superman”.)  Instead, I pick out the one or two highest-payoff activities and set a 100% intention to do those. Often, they are sales calls or other activities I’ve been, ummmmm, well… avoiding.
• If I have to renegotiate a promise I made to someone else — I do it! Some promises are ironclad, others are truly negotiable — don’t get locked in just because you made a promise. If you can renegotiate it, you’ll probably do a better job of it anyway.
• I actually write a clean, new, shorter action list for the rest of Thursday and Friday – and punt the other activities into the bin to consider for next week (which I plan out either on Friday afternoon or on Sunday). Just this one part of the process brings HUGE relief! Look Ma! I can DO this! Instant confidence and energy. Now I’m lovin’ Thursday!

Recalibration Thursday gives me a breather at the end of the week and I can release that awful old punishing feeling of, “Well, I didn’t get it all done this week so now I will have to work all weekend to catch up.” The truth is – the kind of work I do is infinite in nature. There IS no such thing as “catching up.” When I remember this and allow myself to recalibrate realistically… I actually get the more important stuff done and enjoy my life and work a whole lot more.

So… Happy Recalibration Thursday! I invite you to join me today and every Thursday.

You know all about cluttered spaces. Even if you’re not a clutter person, you probably know someone who is. Or maybe you’ve seen one of those reality TV shows about hoarders. It’s rare to find anyone in Western civilization who hasn’t experienced even a short-term bout of clutter.

But what about “idea clutter”? So many business owners tell me they have more ideas than they can keep up with. They tell me they suffer from “bright shiny object” syndrome – where every new idea, concept, interest and opportunity pulls hard at them, lures them away from what they were previously focused on… much like getting lost in the “click here” rabbit hole of the Internet.

Idea clutter is just like physical clutter. Oh, it may seem different at first glance, but the impact is the same.

The Impact of Idea Clutter

• Idea Clutter blocks your energy
• Idea Clutter is a distraction from what really matters (but is scary to you)
• Idea Clutter drains you emotionally
• Idea Clutter creates confusion
• Idea Clutter buries your treasures
• Idea Clutter keeps you playing small
• Idea Clutter overwhelms you into paralysis
• Idea Clutter traps you in an endless loop of false possibility
• Idea Clutter keeps you from living your true purpose
• Idea Clutter is an excuse to avoid your dreams

The very nature of being an entrepreneur is about growing an idea – you feed and nurture it, and develop it into a successful venture.  Business owners must take risks. And that includes the risk to focus on one idea instead of another. Like betting on a horse race, your job is to decide which idea has the best odds. And run with it. Even when the other ideas are jockeying for attention.

If you are like me, you might cringe at committing to just one, or even a few, ideas. What about the other ideas? What if they are better?  The truth is that taking action on a bad idea is more valuable than letting your best ideas idle on a post-it note somewhere on your desk. Even if your idea turns out to be a dud, the brave act of taking focused action will lead you to new discoveries, lessons learned and a more refined decision-making process.

Your role as business owner requires you to take charge of your idea processing. When idea clutter leads you astray, you are not leading your business. When new ideas keep you from completing something you’ve started, you’ve allowed some smaller part of yourself take over. Don’t worry – this is all very natural, you are not alone in this!

Enter… The Idea Incubator

My favorite way to manage idea clutter is to set up what I call an “Idea Incubator.” You can find the right way to do this for yourself, but my way is to keep a document handy on my computer’s desktop. When I’m bopping along doing my work (or play or whatever) and a new idea pops up in my brain, I click open that document and jot it down.  There are cool fancy gizmos and apps you can use, such as Evernote or even a memos application on your phone. One key for me is that I’ve got one master Idea Incubator that gets synchronized with my mobile device so that it’s always handy.

It’s a tremendous relief to offload my ideas into the Idea Incubator. Knowing they are safe and cozy there, I am free to keep my focus on the current idea. I’ll visit the Idea Incubator on occasion just to refresh my memory, and see if any of my little ideas are ready to hatch. Being this intentional about the ideas I am committing to also sharpens my ability to decide when to abandon an idea. With the clutter, it’s all mass confusion. But the Incubator keeps me focused. Like magic.

Ask yourself: “Which horse am I on right now?”  And try creating your own Idea Incubator to keep the rest of the herd from overtaking you.  Let me know how it works out for you.

If you want to build a house, do you start with a hammer? No, you start with your vision of the house – the floor plan, the interior and exterior style, the materials, and even the landscaping. The hammer is simply one of many tools to help you execute your vision.

Same goes with using social media for business. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn – these are merely tools to help you fulfill your vision. If you are using these tools with no particular vision, you are likely hammering your followers/friends/connections with scattered thoughts and comments that lead nowhere. Or worse – chasing would-be fans away.

I took a very unscientific poll on Facebook to learn what caused my varied friends to either hide or unfollow people in their networks. Most of my network consists of professionals over 35. Most are college educated. Quite a few are independent business owners. Here are some reasons they have wanted to “mute” someone:

• Inflammatory political rhetoric
• Profanity
• Too many games and quizzes
• Feeling like a target for someone’s business
• Negativity and toxic ranting
• Promotions or invitations that are irrelevant (inviting you to a next-day workshop many states away, for example)
• “TMI” – Sharing personal details that are better kept private (or, the “ewwww” factor)
• Automated feeds from Twitter. This presented two different turn-offs: One is when Tweet jargon shows up in other arenas, for example, using @ and # symbols, short-hand words like “ur” for “your,” and “RT,” which feel alien on Facebook or LinkedIn. The second reason automated feeds are a turn off is that they can feel sterile and impersonal.

Okay, reality check: Go read your own feeds. How do you stack up? If you aren’t sure what turns off your network of friends, go ahead and ask them.

On the flip side, here is what my polltakers adore – and even crave –  in their social media feeds:

• Positive, uplifting messages
• Humor, cleverness
• Interesting videos
• Celebrations of success
• Opportunities to lend personal support
• Inspiring stories or thoughts
• Photos of your real life
• Insightful observations
• Thought-provoking musings on pop culture
• Playfulness
• Sharing of depth, what really matters
• Discoveries of common interests and ideas – making genuine connections across the globe

Seems most of us want to be entertained, inspired, informed. We want to make meaningful connections that offer a glimpse into another human being’s world. We don’t want rhetoric, negativity, and most of all, we don’t want to be in the crosshairs of some machine-gun marketer, broadcasting their message across the social media landscape with no regard for accuracy on target. Most said they don’t mind – and even like – some marketing. But not if that’s the only dance in your repertoire.

Consider your networks. How well do you know them? What do your “peeps” want to hear from you? And what turns them off?

And equally important, what is your purpose? Assuming you use social media to grow your business, what is your company’s vision? How can social media – remember, it’s just a tool – facilitate your overarching mission? And it’s time to become super aware of your impact on the feeds to which you contribute. Keep hammering the wrong kind of messages out and you will lose your audience.

The level of success you have using social media to grow your business will involve a blend of clarifying your purpose, honing your personal style, and finding a way to serve your readers through engaging conversation and sharing what matters to them.

And I hope you have fun along the way!

When my friend told her 8-year-old nephew, Sam, that I am an entrepreneur, he took a few guesses about what that strange word means.

“Does it mean that she is a funny person?”  “Is she a puppeteer?”  Does it mean she’s sophisticated?” Does it mean that she makes entrees?”

Great guesses, Sam! Other than “sophisticated,” I think he came pretty close!

Some business owners I’ve encountered seem to believe that being an entrepreneur means flying by the seat of the pants: jumping at last-minute opportunities, changing course on a dime, winging it. Well, certainly a entrepreneurs must be nimble, and a small business can change course more easily than a large, bureaucratic organization. But that’s not the definition.

My American Heritage College Dictionary tells me that an entrepreneur is “a person who organizes, operates, and assumes the risk for a business venture.” No argument from me that entrepreneurs take risks!

Entrepreneurs may be all of these things. But mostly, I see entrepreneurs as world changers. We see a problem and push through to a solution. We redefine possible. We invent from a blank sheet of paper.

If you are an entrepreneur – or want to be – give yourself the gift of watching this 2-minute video. It will remind you why the way of the entrepreneur called to you in the first place. (Note: at the end, you’ll see that this is an ad for a digital phone system. This in no way takes away from the power of the message.)

If I’m “about” anything, it’s to promote the idea of:  Happiness for Everyone.

Sounds idealistic, you might be saying, but I don’t care what you think. Because, well, this mission makes me happy.

One area in which I attend to this idealistic mission – and I admit I picked a tough venue – is:  The Workplace (cue the “Psycho” music!).  Yes, I’m crazy enough to believe that our work culture can change and that more people can be happy at work. “Work” may have four letters, but it does not have to be a four-letter word!

As I wrote in another blog post, Work Hearter, Not Smarter, any such shift in our work culture will require us to take a good look at our attitudes toward work. Is work a joyful expression of your life’s purpose? Or a prison you are trapped in because you need the money?  Where are you on the misery-glee continuum? Wherever you rate yourself at this moment, let’s start edging you toward the “glee” side, okay?

One place to begin with is your goal setting. I like to blend dreaming with goal setting – for a motivating mix of practical reality and honoring your heart’s desire.

On the practical side, you’ve got the standard S.M.A.R.T. goals. I have no beef with this goal-setting system, and I encourage you to make all of your important goals “S.M.A.R.T.”  But I also invite you to set goals that honor your heart, or: H.E.A.R.T. goals. Put the two together, and you’ve got: H.E.A.R.T. – S.M.A.R.T. goals. Voila!

As a reminder, S.M.A.R.T. goals are: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based. You can learn about S.M.A.R.T. goals in so many places, I won’t go into them here. Just Google away.

Making your goals resonant with your heart, with whatever makes you tick as a person – gives them a life that you will want to honor.  So many goals go unfulfilled. Make them H.E.A.R.T. – S.M.A.R.T. and you will seriously crank up your success rate.

H.E.A.R.T. goals are ideal whether you are a business owner or an employee. Spelled out, they are:

• Holistic – As Aristotle said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” Does your goal honor your whole self? Does your goal allow you to focus on a particular area without squishing the life out of the rest of your life?  If reaching a certain goal means sacrificing in another area, make sure you are going into it will full awareness and understanding your choices.
• Energizing – Is your goal something you are looking forward to pursuing? What is your enthusiasm meter telling you? You’ll know you’re on track if, even if you are tired or down, going for this goal brings you up and makes you feel more alive.
• Aligning – Your goal should click right in place with your core values and resonate with what makes you tick about life altogether. You may not be able to articulate it in words, but you can FEEL the passion of this work and how important it is to you. For you, this goal is not a “should” it is a “must!”
• Relationship Building  – Does your goal connect you with people who inspire you and with whom you feel fully supported? Even if no other person is involved in pursuing your goal, who are the people you can be fully open with about your pursuit – those people who will champion you, no matter what?
• Transformational – This goal is not just something you will DO, but something that will embed itself into your being, creating an internal shift, stretching you, moving you toward something, rippling out to others. This goal has a noble purpose that gives it depth, width, reach. Both within you and beyond you.

So, what are your goals? And are they H.E.A.R.T. – S.M.A.R.T.?  If so, your likelihood of achieving your desire is certain!

Happy Anniversary to Me! 

In two days, on July 10^th, I celebrate my eighth year in business. Yippee!

I’ve come a long way, baby, and wanted to share with you eight (of many!) lessons I’ve learned on the journey. Some taught to me by others, some discovered the hard way.

1. Employ the 96-minute rule. I learned this from friend and fantastic productivity consultant, Wendy Ellin, President of Momentum. I was already sufficiently organized with my papers and files, but Wendy opened my eyes about how I organized my time each day. The 96-minute rule is based on the famous 80/20 rule. Essentially, if you get 80% of your success from 20% of your activity…  why not focus on that critical 20% first thing each day?  Twenty percent of an eight-hour day is 96 minutes. So, spend the first 96 minutes of your day on your highest-payoff activity. When I do this, I always get a positive result. Always. For me, that high-payoff activity is usually following up with warm leads, executing a marketing campaign, creating products or service offerings, doing some creative brainstorming to grow my business or solve a problem. It’s usually the “important but not urgent” items on my to-do list. It never involves checking email or Facebook, reading ezines or poking around on the Internet. Those activities are important, too, but I reserve other timeslots for those tasks. Give the 96-minute rule a try – you will be amazed at the result!
2. Clarify and magnify your business vision. What is the greater mission that you are using your business to achieve? You may have the goal of making money (me too!), but if that is the only driving force, it gets a little tedious and imprisoning. Money is great, but a sustainable business is built on something more meaningful – money should become a result, not a focus. When money is your focus, you lose your bearings more easily and get sidetracked by every potential money-making venture that comes along. Think of your business as a living, breathing entity that you are in relationship with. When a new opportunity crops up, ask your business – not your current emotions – what the best decision is. Of course your personal satisfaction is important. But if you start with “What’s best for the business?” you will often end up melding your business’ needs with your own personal excitement and energy for the new idea. That’s ideal!
3. Don’t cheap out. When you invest in equipment, education, experts and other resources that are key to running your business, don’t automatically pick the lowest-cost option. Do your research and then purchase wisely at the best price you can get. Buy equipment that will serve about twice your current need, so you can grow into it and then outgrow it later.  Because I coach over the phone, I needed a super reliable headset. I must have blown through five $40 headsets in the first two years before finally investing $250 in a top-quality one that has now lasted me six years – and gives me 100% confidence that it will work well every call. I’ve wasted more money on cheap stuff, “free” training, bargain assistants…  and had to learn the hard way to just bite the bullet and pay for top quality in the first place. This doesn’t mean being stupid with your budget – it just means thinking bigger picture with your purchases.
4. Let your business identity emerge naturally. By “business identity,” I mean your external branded image – your business name, logo, website URL. Some get it in a flash of lightening. Others take years. Most are in the middle. It’s okay, just let it reveal itself to you. In the meantime, focus on building the business and moving forward. Don’t let the “what to name your business” decision slow you down. If you haven’t come up with an inspired idea yet, just give it any old name and get on with it. You can evolve with the inspired brand later. I have changed my business identity twice in eight years and it has not hurt me – it actually created new opportunities for me (although I’m in love with my current BrilliantVisions identity and not planning to change for a long time!)  Key note about branding: Your business name & logo are only a mere sliver of what we call “branding.” The process you consistently use, the messages you broadcast, the promises you make, the way you treat your clients… those are much bigger elements of branding.
5. Make relationships take TOP priority. Especially if — when – you screw up! You might think I’m talking about client relationships. Well, of course these are very important to nurture. But I see a lot of entrepreneurs treating their customers as “kings,” but casting vendors and potential joint venture partners as second-class citizens. Treat your vendors with the same regard you treat your best clients and you will get amazing service. And don’t hold back from building great, authentic relationships with your competitors – shocking, I know! You never know when a competitor becomes your best ally. It’s happened for me – instead of allowing one competitor make me feel threatened, I built a relationship that turned into a collaboration, a force to be reckoned with! 
6. Never stop seed sowing. Mind what’s in front of you now, but keep expanding your vision and planting seeds for later. Relationships, ideas, and opportunities that are new and tenuous right now could be the most fruitful later. Don’t sacrifice the future for the present. Also, those entrepreneurs who had robust marketing programs in full swing during the good times have mostly fared well during the economic downturn because they had already filled up their pipelines. Create a marketing program and system that will keep working for you even when you become covered up in client work. 
7. Take care of yourself. Feed and nurture your spiritual, physical, emotional and mental selves on a routine (daily) basis. If you are the driver of your business – doesn’t it make good sense to keep your “engine” fully tuned up and have plenty of fuel in the tank? While we are on this topic, cultivate your relationships with family and friends. Entrepreneurs are notorious for putting these important relationships to the side when work takes over. Don’t let that happen. 
8. Plan, Plan, Plan. In some of my corporate jobs, I held project manager roles that taught me important planning concepts. And as a business owner, I have learned to become downright compulsive about planning. Starting with the big picture – my vision for my life and my business – and working back to the “how-tos” and smaller details, I am at my best when each endeavor is fully planned out. My natural inclination is to be more spontaneous, but I’ve learned that creating reliable systems gives me space to wing it at times. It’s a nice mix for my personality. You have to find your own mix, but I recommend that you err on the side of more planning, less winging. Then you can always shift the balance after you begin to gain momentum.

I’m thrilled to be celebrating the eighth anniversary of my business — it’s a major milestone for me! What lessons have you learned in your business? Please share!

Did you know that having regular massage can improve your business? It can, and there is even scientific proof!

A study by the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami compared workers who received massage with workers who were asked to relax and close their eyes for the same period of time. Those receiving the massage showed lower stress hormones, were more alert, and completed math problems faster and with fewer errors than before they were massaged. (Click here to read an abstract of the study.)

Your business puts a heap of demands on your mind, body and spirit. Massage is an excellent way to refuel so that your brilliance can fully surge forth for your business. It’s a no-brainer that this will only improve your bottom line!

The Business Case for Massage

Two Atlanta companies seem to grasp the business case for massage. Each of these businesses has retained – on an ongoing basis – the services of Betsey Brogan, a licensed massage therapist. One company is a top tier law firm, the other is a successful car dealership.

The law firm offers Betsey’s massage services to its employees. The employees pay directly, but the firm encourages them to take advantage of the service, which is so popular that years ago, the firm provided Betsey with an office and a phone extension at their Atlanta location. Having the opportunity to go for a chair massage on site has been a great boost for employees – which ultimately benefits the firm.

Over the 15 years that Betsey has provided chair massage to the firm’s employees, she has seen many benefits:

• Fewer sick days taken – No one wants to miss their massage day! Plus, receiving a massage often triggers an increased desire to adopt other healthy habits in general. “Often, people tell me that after a massage, they are more mindful of getting good sleep, drinking water instead of soda, and just treating their bodies better,” says Betsey.
• Appreciation and camaraderie building – Employees give each other massage gift certificates as a reward or thank you, and the firm gives massage time as part of their recognition of employee anniversary dates. Betsey tells one story about a partner who, after completing a particularly grueling marathon case, rewarded his team of 6 paralegals with an hour of massage each. What a great way to raise positivity in the workplace!
• Spirit lifting – One employee gifted her boss with a 20-minute massage. Not only did it get him out of her hair for a while, but she knew it would lift his spirits and make him easier to work with. “Even after just a 15-minute chair massage, people go back to work more bright-eyed and bushy tailed and with a better attitude,” Betsey notes.

She likes to quote her Mom, who once said about Betsey’s massage practice, “Bets, you are creating world peace, one person at a time.”

A large car dealer hired Betsey to provide 15-minute chair massages for customers waiting on their cars to be serviced. “Even when they began cutting costs because of the economy, they kept me on at a reduced rate,” says Betsey. Clearly this customer-focused dealership sees that the benefits of the chair massage service ripples out to a positive impact on the business.

Betsey agrees that regular massage improves your resilience in the face of life’s trying circumstances, whether you’re forking over money for an unexpected car repair or covered up with a stressful workload. And when we create this kind of healthy self-care regimen for ourselves, we are more fit to care for our clients and our business.

Says Betsey, “I love my job because people are excited to see me, they feel better and are better off when they leave.”

Feel free to contact Betsey to schedule a massage. Even if you are not in the Atlanta area, she would still be happy to talk with you if you have any questions about the benefits of massage. Contact: Betsey Brogan, LMT, betseycmt@comcast.net.

The trick to writing riveting and persuasive marketing copy is simply this: Know – and I mean really know, your audience – and get over there into their shoes and talk with them, not at them.

This age-old marketing truism makes a lot of sense and it works. And yet, I encounter so many blogs, websites, brochures, letters and other marketing vehicles plastered with “we” language. This is particularly true with professional service businesses… after all, you are selling yourself or the people in your firm, so it seems natural to convey your expertise and services by saying, “we” and “I.”

Let’s look at an example comparing the traditional selling statement (the kind that sends most marketing copywriters into a loud groan, and leaves your prospects yawning) against a more riveting, grabbing alternative.

Audience:
Small business owners seeking financial advice

Groaner:
“Acme & Associates is a results-oriented financial consulting firm that advises businesses in meeting the challenges of today’s economic uncertainty.”

Grabber:
“If you are like most business owners, you are passionate about your clients’ success and expect your financial advisor to be equally passionate about your bottom line.”

I’m sure you can see the compelling differences between the “Groaner” and the “Grabber.” The Groaner example conveys a posture of, “It’s all about us and we are assuming that you care!”  And you aren’t going to resonate with your audience by taunting them with the ever-so-vague and generic “challenges.”  Notice that this example does not actually use the term “we,” and yet it takes a “we” stance, loud and clear. So it’s not just your word selection, but your stance and tone of writing that matters.

The second example – the “Grabber” – literally steps over to the reader’s side of the table. Clearly, the message is that it’s all about your reader and shows an understanding of what is important to your reader as a business owner.

You may prefer a more formal writing style. Your style is a reflection of you, and I encourage you to write in a way that feels most natural and comfortable. But I do stand firm on this: The effectiveness of “you” language still applies, no matter what your preferred writing style is.

Great Trick: Name Your Audience

Start every writing project by naming your audience – actually write it at the top of the page, as I did in the above example (be sure to delete it before you send the final out for real!). This is a trick I learned from a very effective English professor I had in college. He took points off our grade if we had not named our audience. I still use this technique today – when you can clearly define who you are writing for, you have a much better chance of hitting the mark. The more specific the better.

Let’s face it, your readers are inundated with distractions and plenty of reading material… if you want their attention, you have to cut through to the heart of the matter. And that means speaking to your reader’s heart. Whether you are selling life coaching, accounting services or engineering design, your clients are human beings with worries, fears, dreams, hopes, and desires. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “This is business, let’s keep that ‘emotional stuff’ out of it.” If you speak to your audience at the level of their humanness, they are going to pay attention.

This approach doesn’t mean you need to eradicate all use of “I” or “we.” You need to talk about yourself — just be sure the overall flavor of your persuasive copy leans more toward being you-oriented.

Now. Go write some brilliant marketing copy!

I’d love to see your examples — feel free to run a few paragraphs by me here in the comments and I’m glad to provide pointers.

They made this mess. It’s their fault. If it weren’t for them…. Oh, there are so many ways to invoke blame!

Here’s the raw truth about blame: In the moment, it seems so easy and natural to lay blame on others. But operating from a stance of blame is as harmful to yourself than it is to the entity or person you are blaming. And blame is flat-out a relationship killer.

We all blame – it can be a natural default. (So I’m not blaming you if you are a blamer!) And some hidden sliver of ourselves gets some degree of benefit from blaming. Let’s take a look at how effective those benefits are:

1. You get to be the helpless victim.

Let’s say you are late to meet a friend for a movie. She has been waiting outside the movie, both worried about your safety and anxiously deciding whether to just go ahead into the theatre so she doesn’t miss the opening scene. Meanwhile, you come scurrying up to the ticket counter at the last second and the first words out of your mouth are, “Oh the traffic was so awful, I thought I would never get here!” Ahhh, so it was the traffic that “caused” your lateness. Not that you gave yourself 14 minutes to make a 16 minute drive. Now, instead of giving your friend empathy over the fretting she did while waiting for you, YOU get to be the victim of a traffic jam. If you pick your friends right, she will feel badly for you and pile on the pity. Oh, poor, poor you. And isn’t that charming?

2. You get to avoid growth.

Your choice to blame is a choice to stay small. Yes, you will narrowly escape an opportunity to learn how to be a better human being. When you deflect responsibility for your circumstances onto your thoughtless family, that unreasonable client, the idiots on the school board, those inept carpet installers (oh the list can go on and on, can’t it?), you also deflect the focus away from yourself and any self-reflection that might reveal something new and useful about yourself. All that blame gives you no space to reflect on things like: What is my contribution to this? Which of my behaviors, decisions and beliefs set the stage for this circumstance to find its way into my life? Or – Why do I seem to repeat certain patterns (why do I always get the inept carpet installers?!) If you are willing to go to a deeper level with this, I invite you to take the risk of asking yourself what gift this circumstance brings – how is this problematic scenario a fertile ground for you to make a life-altering shift or learn something about your core self? Or, you could simply take the easy way out and keep blaming others.

3. You get to propagate blame trickle down.

Yes! You can be a blame catalyst. When you blame another, they are egged on to blame yet another person or entity. Kind of like a game of hot potato. The downside to this game is that you are teaching your kids, co-workers, clients, friends and that lady behind the counter at the DMV that blaming is your shtick. This means you are fair game – they get to blame you, too! (Actually, this is the exact conversation model at play in the U.S. at the moment – politics aside, surely you can see how brutally ineffective this blame-tag is.) Perhaps it’s time to break the blame habit? Start by simply noticing each time you make a blaming statement out loud. Just notice it, catch yourself in the act. No self-judgment on this – remember, you are in a learning phase. When you are ready, begin to catch yourself before the words come out of your mouth. You may end up saying “never mind” a lot, but no matter. And this is not about stifling your truth – it’s about breaking a habit that degrades your relationships and erodes your credibility. You still get to speak your truth, but via productive, relationship-strengthening, heart-opening communication. Unless, for some reason, you prefer distant relationships filled with harsh language and biting sarcasm.

4. You get to win!

I recently found myself in a righteous uproar over the recent oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. I was silently blaming BP, the U.S. government, drivers of gas-guzzling cars, Henry Ford himself! And ooooooohhhh, I was so right. They were so wrong. Ha! I had won my mental argument with society! But what, exactly, had I won? The oil was still gushing, animals were still being coated with oil, and beach communities were still in peril. My blame was accomplishing nothing but vitriol within myself. Now, anger and frustration are perfectly healthy feelings to have. And of course the situation must be assessed – it’s important to learn why and how this happened and how to prevent future spills. But pure blame (transferring all responsibility to the other parties) is a dead-end street to a pile up of solution-less ire.

As soon as I realized I was caught in the blame trap, I stepped back. I began to find my own contribution to the situation – yes, MY contribution. No, I did not cause the spill directly. But I do routinely buy gas. I have not taken steps toward finding an alternative fuel transportation mode. Sure, I have contributed in my own tiny way. And in owning up to that – in making this OUR problem instead of THEIR fault – I found some clean inspiration to take action – any action – to contribute to the solution. For starters, I donated to the Audubon Society and used my social networks to encourage others to join me. As a blamer I have a small victory in being right. But when I release blame and own my part, I begin to feel included in the situation, which allows me to see ways to contribute. A healthy society depends on this spirit of cooperation. Blame cuts cooperation to the quick. Just watch any politician on any side of any issue.

5. You get to play the role of martyr (when engaged in self-blame).

This one’s a little different. Instead of blaming others, you are blaming yourself. Yes, it’s great to take responsibility and to find your part in the situation. But self-blame is just as stifling as blaming others. Suppose you’ve just spilled red wine on your friend’s white carpet. Yes, I think we can make a clear factual case that you have caused this mishap. But when you lurch into a self-demeaning tirade (either externally or silently) of “Oh I’m such a jerk! I am so stupid! I can’t believe I did this!,” you kind of circle back around to becoming the helpless victim again (see #1). All blame diminishes compassion, but self-blame may be the most soul eroding of them all. Yes, it’s good to admit to and apologize for the wine spill and help clean it up, and pay for a steam cleaning service – make it right with your friend. But to marinate in compassionless self-blame does nothing to contribute to the solution and actually squashes your spirit.

We all do this blaming thing to some degree. Just notice how it dampens your energy and vitality, and keeps you small. And feel free to share whatever you are noticing in the comments below!